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As parents, we naturally want to protect our kids from pain, fear and sadness as much as possible. But, constantly intervening to take away every problem, fear or hurt, no matter how well-meaning, does more harm than good. When children are properly guided and supported, to face fears and overcome obstacles, it can build self-awareness, self-confidence and resiliency.

When my daughter was 6, my mother in law signed her up for swim lessons at a local YMCA. She loved the water, but was so terrified of that huge pool, especially the deep end. She would only stay in the shallow end where she could stand up and would not venture into the deeper end with the other kids unless she clung like a tiny lemur to the back of the swim instructor. This continued for several class sessions.

My  tendency was to either pull her from the class, or ask the instructor to just slow down a bit and not push her.  However, the educator in me knew that if my daughter did not over come her fears-(like me)-she would be afraid of the water and miss out on so many fun activities and outings. I did not want to take away this teaching moment from her.

So we talked about what she was afraid of . She was afraid of going under the water and not being able to get back up to the top.   I told her the story of how I learned to swim and told her that I was afraid too  but once I did it one time, I wasn’t afraid any more. (I didn’t tell her that I STILL am leery of water over  my head. You could say that I’m  a bad mother for lying to her, but I don’t want to project my own fears onto her experiences.)

I told her that her swim teacher was a very good teacher, and that she needed to listen to the steps the teacher was telling her. I told her that she was safe and that she could do it, even if she felt afraid. I told her that sometimes when we are afraid, if we just focus on each of the steps, we can do our best anyway and the fear goes away. We practiced the steps in the living room, and in the tub so she could remember them.

She still was not so sure of this. In spite of encouragement from the whole family, she continued to cling on the back of the instructor for several more classes. We decided to just let it go and let her finish out her sessions without prompting her any more.

Then, during the next to last class, she swam.

In an instant, the impulse came over her to spring away from her perch on the teacher’s back, and she swam to the side of the pool. Her face was radiant! “Did you see me mommy? I did it! Watch!” and she did it again and again, swimming close to the side, and going a little further each time, building her confidence as she went. As I watched her I could feel her excitement.

Now, at 13, I can’t get her OUT of the water. She is like a mermaid. When she is swimming, is when she is having the most fun. Had I intervened in the wrong way when she was little, fed into her fear, removed her from the class, or asked the teacher to back off, she may have just held on to her fear instead of overcoming it in her own time. Instead, she has found an activity that she loves so much and benefits from in so many ways.

Now, when she tells me she is afraid to try something, we verbally walk through it to find out why. We have found that most times, the fear is more a matter of confidence than actual skill. This has become a useful tool for her as she takes on more, and bigger, challenges.

The best teaching moments are the ones that you allow kids to discover for themselves.

Food for Thought:

How do you project your own fears onto your children (or students)? What are some ways you can avoid doing that in the future?

What methods do you use to help your students overcome their fears, whether it be of getting hurt or of failing?

Feel free to leave your thoughts and insights below.

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Bear with us while we settle in!

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Some of you already know me from teaching and learning circles, and others are new to this blog. My hope is that I can share resources & insights with you as we all grow together as parents and educators. This post is a bit of background on how this site began.

About a month ago, my computer crashed, a pretty common thing but one that I had never experienced. It was a stunning change of events that caused my life and work activities to come to a screeching halt, as I was in the middle of preparing for a huge workshop that people had already paid for. I rescheduled the workshop-(thank you all for being so understanding!) and figured I would just use my hand written notes, my backed up files and my significant other’s computer for a few days while we got mine back up again. No big deal.

Well, a funny thing about that…

I found that I could not access the remote vault that my files were supposed to be backed up on, (and still cannot access them due to “indefinite maintenance”) and I, foolishly, did not have another backed up disc or memory stick. I started feeling sick to my stomach as I mentally reviewed just how much work I have done, how much information was stored, and how many book drafts, pictures/videos I had accumulated over the last 5 years since I moved to PA, and especially since we upgraded the computer last year.

We attempted to fix the issue ourselves, even with 6 total hours of tech help via phone from Microsoft, and finally had to take it to be fixed and the hard drive pulled. (that was a week ago-they are still working on it.) There were 6 viruses found and at this writing, I am still waiting to see if my files and documents were damaged, deleted or able to be fully recovered. I am preparing for the worst.

I feel as if I have lost momentum and have been drifting for the last few weeks, and yet the sudden change has given me time to think and reflect (once I stopped berating myself for not having a backup disc) on what I’ve accomplished so far-what I have yet to do and what I no longer feel the need to do. Its been a good exercise and a bit of an epiphany to say the least.

What I saw was that as an educator, I am coming up short. I’m failing. I could be doing so much more, and serving so many more, and I’ve not done that. I have skills and knowledge, and I have not shared them effectively to the extent that I could. I need to do a better job.

My personal belief is that when we have knowledge, its our obligation to share that with as many as possible. This interruption has given me the insight into what I need to do, to better reach and assist more people.

For one thing, my children’s programs could be expanded. Up until now I have focused on adaptive programming for the special needs community (and will continue to do so), but in order for the programs to be of any real benefit, I need to not only work on helping kids with adaptive needs with their own individual skills, but also on helping to build a network of mentors, peers and other community partners around them. To do that I need to include more programming for “typical” children, and at the same time support parents and educators in a more cohesive and specific way.

Another thing I need to do is to train more people to do what I do. I am only one person and can only be one place at a time. But many of us, can be many places and can pass on this knowledge more efficiently and effectively to more educators and families, and like a pebble dropped into a pond, the ripples flow outward as they gain momentum.

There are many changes going on around us-in education and in the world. You can feel the restlessness. Parents and educators all have a tough task ahead. We need inspiration, motivation, new ideas and sometimes a cheering section to continue to effectively do the work that we do. We need support as we battle policies and practices that are enacted by officials who have spent very little, if any time in a classroom at all. We need to break paradigms and change perceptions without the risk of alienating ourselves from the support of peers, coworkers and  administrators. We need new ideas to keep students engaged in learning and us interested in teaching.

We also need to know that we have each others backs-students, parents and teachers, as equal partners in learning.

“Free Range” is not a new term,  but my goal is to use that idea to demonstrate how every classroom can be free range; how to use every moment as a learning moment, and how to support students of all abilities in reaching their highest potential. I can’t do this unless I look at and fix my failures, as well as embrace my successes.

Please join me as we fail and succeed; teach and learn together.

~Barbara

Learn more about the Free Range Classroom Here.

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More to come!